Browse Tag by mindful marriage

How to Improve Your Relationship by Setting Goals for Couples Counseling

How to Improve Your Relationship by Setting Goals for Couples Counseling

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When you get into a relationship, especially a marriage, you’ll need to understand the importance of mindful marriage. This long-term commitment comes with a lot of costs, such as having to take risks, give, and be out of your comfort zone. While some marriages were simply not meant to be, others just need some help through couples counseling. Throughout the years, this form of counseling has has a negative stigma, but it’s been slowly becoming more normalised. One of the more popular practices in couples counseling is setting up goals for the couple to achieve.

Why Set Goals for Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling can help couples to work through their problems and achieve their goals. However, some couples might be hesitant to set goals for their counseling sessions. Some people might think that setting goals will make the counselors focus on achieving them rather than on the couple’s overall good. 

The goal-setting process is a collaborative one between the couple and the counselor, so neither of these concerns are valid. The process is about finding what your couple wants out of life, what they believe in, and working towards achieving those things together. Overall, this can be a good way to get the couple’s foot started on the right path.

Setting Your Relationship Goals

Setting your relationship goals is a great way to ensure that you are both on the same page. It will make it easier for you to communicate your expectations and create an environment that is conducive to healthy relationships. So, what about the goal that needs to be set? The goal of setting your relationship goals should be to have a balance between what you want from the relationship and what you are willing to give.

It is important to set clear and attainable goals so that both parties can work towards them together. Just like an individual needs to set goals for themselves, a wedding is a union, you both need to think about each other and the best for each other. This can only work if both get involved.

What are the Biggest Obstacles When it Comes to Goal-Setting in Couples Counseling?

The biggest obstacle to goal-setting success is that people often don’t know what they want. It’s hard enough to set goals when you have a clear idea of what your dream is, but it’s even harder when you don’t. There are many steps couples counselors can take to make the process easier and more successful. 

The most important thing is to start the conversation early on in the counseling session so that they can get a better idea of where their partner is coming from and what their goals are. Clear communication with your partner has to be involved in this as well.

The Dos and Don’ts of Goal Setting in Couple Counseling

Like any session during couples therapy, there is going to be some do’s and don’t’s and this is going to include goal setting as well.


-Set goals that are specific, measurable, and realistic.

-Set short-term and long-term goals.

-Set your own personal goal as well as your partner’s goal.

-Set a timeline for achieving the goal, such as a three-month period of time or six months to one year.


-Don’t set vague goals like “improve communication” or “make more effort” without specifying what exactly you mean by these terms in terms of concrete actions or behaviors

-Don’t lie to yourself or to your partner, this includes the counselor as well.

These could also vary depending on the marriage and how the communication within the marriage is as well. Overall, couples counseling is serious, it’s meant to help the couple, and setting up goals together can strengthen the bond.


Has Your Spouse Lost Interest In You?

Has Your Spouse Lost Interest In You?

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Maintaining a mindful marriage is not easy. It means looking at and appreciating the good in your marriage, but also being wary of the bad, and taking care of those aspects before they cause a serious rift. A seeming loss of attraction, oft accompanied by a decrease in sexual intimacy in a marriage, can become a serious problem. As such, it’s worth taking the time to identify any causes that might be behind it.

Talk about physical intimacy

Sex is an everyday part of marriage and, while outside circumstances can make it a little harder to get intimate with your partner, there should still be signs of physical and emotional affection that aren’t necessarily for the bedroom alone. If your partner doesn’t cuddle, kiss, or show simple physical intimacy, then it may be because of deeper reasons. They might feel their own sex drive changing with age, for instance. However, there can also be physical and emotional health issues at the root of it, too.

The question of mental health

Mental health issues of all stripes can affect our desire and ability to feel sexual attraction. Depression has been known to decrease sex drive drastically and stress may mean that someone is too focused on minor problems in their life to “get into the mood.” If your partner has been changing, it may be a sign that they need to seek help, rather than a change to do with you.

Sexual dysfunction is a real threat

Aside from the mental health issues that can affect our desire to be intimate, sexual health is another aspect that is worth addressing. For instance, a surprisingly frequent issue in marriages where physical intimacy becomes rarer and rarer is pornography addiction. Not only can it mean that a partner never shows interest in real intimate contact, but it can affect your feeling of self-esteem and self-worth as a partner. Addictions of all kinds can destroy marriages, so it’s important to address them and treat them thoroughly.

Have you changed?

Self-reflection can be difficult and it’s important to ensure that it does not turn into self-blame. However, if you have experienced excessive weight gain since the beginning of the marriage, it can affect the attraction of your partner to you. Furthermore, it may have affected your own self-esteem. You might notice that your partner doesn’t initiate as much, but it could be the case that you haven’t noticed your behaviour has changed in the same way.

Remind your partner why they were interested in you

Marriage changes a relationship, turning it from something that’s purely attraction-driven into a partnership that’s as practical as it is passionate. Taking the time to date your partner can help you both rediscover what it is that drew you both to one another, helping to rekindle things in the bedroom and beyond.

It might hurt to look into the reasons why your partner isn’t showing the kind of interest that they may have done, before. However, it’s worth identifying reality through honest and empathetic communication. You may, after all, be mistaken and find another reason for the shift in your marriage.

Technology, Top tips

Tips For A More Mindful Marriage In This Digital Era

Tips For A More Mindful Marriage In This Digital Era
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Do you ever feel like your mind just never stops? Our hyper-connected world provides a lot of distractions in our daily lives. We live in a world where we’re all consumed by our smartphones and we find it harder and harder to concentrate on a single task without the urge to check emails, social media feeds and all sorts of notifications that might pop up. 

The practice of mindfulness has never been more paramount, than it is in this day and age. It’s very much vital for our mental well-being. But what about the effect this has on our relationships?

Often our marriages get distracted as well. There are bills to pay, chores to do, meals to prepare, and much more. Life is busy. But it shouldn’t get in the way of a great marriage.

Plan together

When you first were married, you most likely had big plans for your life. Are you meeting the goal that you made together? Remember in the early stages when it was all exciting and you were busy looking for diamond engagement rings and looking through your wedding? You need to stay as focused as you were back then on your future

Take time together on a regular basis to make plans. Mark it on your calendar so that you don’t forget to talk about the months ahead. Plan the everyday tasks and also the big things like holidays. This is also a perfect time to work on your life vision. What does it look like and how well are you doing in realising it?

Plan to have time with your partner

Not only should you plan your ongoing life together, but you should also make time for each other in your day to day lives. Life can get really busy, but every once in a while it’s a good idea to make some time that’s just for the two of you. So plan a date night and try and keep to a regular schedule. It may be once a week, once a fortnight or even once a month. Whatever works best for you, working around your commitments.

Challenge yourself to dedicate some time alone, where you are not distracted by your smartphones or the TV. Just the two of you, chatting about your day. It’ll help you reconnect and reinforce your bond.  While you’re making time for each other, you can use this opportunity to indulge your partner in their interests and learn to appreciate what makes the other one tick.

Continually learn about each other

We all change a little over time and our needs and interests change as we adapt. Make sure that you take the time to ask questions and see if you can find out something that you didn’t know about them. Chances are that you blindly assume some aspects of their personality, that you might be proven wrong on.  Even if you’ve been married for decades, there are still things you don’t know about your spouse. Take the time to find out his or her thoughts, feelings, memories, and future goals.